Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Art Worker Contacts Alien Civilisation

It's not often that a Mac operator can be confused with Jodie Foster, but New Zealander Bjorn O'Grady proves there's an exception to every rule. Yes, Bjorn has made 'Contact' and he didn't need his own £billion SETI programme to do so. How did Bjorn manage to bridge the void and open communications with the Vjikigiiii people? Scientists put it down to the metal plate in his head and the innumerable pieces of 'body jewellery' that fill the piercings puncturing his pale body.

"They talk to me all the time, y'know?" says O'Grady,"They're tryin' to teach me how to build a matter transporter, so they can come to the Earth and stuff. It freaks me out, man."

Having toyed with sacking Bjorn for being clinically insane (NOTE FROM M.D. TIM SOPRANO: check your contracts - mental illness equals instant dismissal), his job was spared when others at Fudge heard the aliens speak via his Prince Albert.

So when you see Client Services Director Henry Staunton-Bishopsfinger kneeling over Bjorn's crotch, don't worry - he's not performing fellatio - just trying to pitch for work on the planet Vjikig.


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What about nipple piercings? Or is it only the guys that have all the fun...

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