Friday, June 30, 2006

Dave Spout's How to be a Genius Like Me Part 8: Choosing trainers


Click for a bigger shoe size

Fudge on Friday 30th June

FUDGE ON FRIDAY
The globally venerated creative innovation agency where everybody knows your name

SNEAKER SPOUT

Being a respected, award-winning Creative Director isn’t just a matter of conceptual brilliance and a magnetic personality. It’s also essential you have the phattest trainers around. See how Dave carefully selects his sneakers:

http://www.fullfudge.blogspot.com/


TOURIST NUMBERS EXPLODE IN BIKINI ATOLL

When the French government came to Fudge, they had a problem. How could they encourage tourists to go to exotic Bikini Atoll after years of nuclear weapons testing? Then our branding department came up with the answer – sell Bikini Atoll to young ‘ravers’ as the new Ibiza. A campaign in Mixmag and other media led with the line ‘Bangin’ in Bikini’ and a launch ‘rave’ DJed by Sasha, Pete Tong and Air completed the mix. As a bonus benefit for the young travelers who attended, the radiation on the islands seems to have left them with a ‘wicked’ tan.

Fudge Founder and Chairman Benoit Goddard said: “I’ve wanted to work with the government of my homeland and I’m sure this rebranding of a much-maligned tourist paradise is a huge success.”


RICK KERNER SABOTAGE SHOW TRIALS END!

The Kerner electrocution incident had a new twist this week when it was discovered that Art Director Martin Shrubbery and an assortment of other design insurgents had sabotaged his Wacom tablet. These ne’er-do-wells have now been PURGED. Read all about it here:

http://fullfudge.blogspot.com/2006/06/shrubbery-exposed.html

Meanwhile Rick had poor bad luck as he left hospital when he was run over by an old man riding a mobility scooter. He’s back in A&E with multiple fractures and is considering suing the leg-challenged OAP. Well well soon, Rick – we’re all thinking of you!


FIGHT FOR FUDGE!
Pass on this email and do your bit for the agency!

Email fudgeonfriday@hotmail.co.uk and we'll add you to our mailing list.
---
Bow down before Fudge

Fudge is the world’s largest independent creative blue sky solutions hive. With offices in London, San Francisco, Singapore, Shanghai and Rotherham, Fudge spans the globe with its irreproachable brilliance.

Thursday, June 29, 2006

The Night of the Long Scalpels

After the bewildering discovery that Art Director Martin Shrubbery sabotaged Rick Kerner’s Wacom Tablet, the Creative Dept. was shaken further last night by the confessions of 14 other collaborators. The insurgents, ranging from Junior Designers to the Head of Copy, have all been handed their P45s and rooted out of Fudge. We are positioning this to the outside world as a sensible programme of cut-cutting measures, but we all know that this PURGE was a necessary WEEDING OUT THE DEAD WOOD.

Meanwhile, Shrubbery is being kept on as an example to rest of the designers. He’s been stripped of his Art Director rank and will spend the rest of his days clearing up the creative prep room and SPRAY-MOUNTING.

Let that be the end of this matter.

Benoit Goddard,Chairman and Founder

Wednesday, June 28, 2006

The evidence

This was captured by the MSN Messengers monitors in the IT Dept.


Shrubbery Exposed!

Following the beginning of our investigation into the ‘wreckers’ in the Creative Dept, we’ve extracted a confession from the first ‘design insurgent’. Some of you may know the Art Director Martin Shrubbery. Some of you may even be his friends (if so, we’re coming to talk you next). However, no one could have guessed that beneath the unassuming Shrubbery façade lurked a terrorist mastermind.

Shrubbery confessed to the sabotage of Rick Kerner’s Wacom tablet after being shown incontrovertible evidence of his plot. Just take a look at the screengrab above if you doubt his guilt!

Monday, June 26, 2006

Kerner Sabotage: A Message from Our Founder

Following the repeated ‘accidental’ injuries to our beloved Deputy Creative Director Rick Kerner, we have decided to begin investigating individuals within the Creative Department as possible ‘wreckers’. After the suspicious short circuit of Rick’s Wacom tablet, we now believe that there is an organised conspiracy by these pernicious saboteurs, with no loyalty to our Great Agency. We will particularly be looking at those who have expressed dissatisfaction with their jobs in confidential HR surveys or those underachievers who haven’t won an award since joining us. My security operatives, pressganged from the IT dept, will be passing among you soon.

Benoit Goddard,
Founder and Chairman


The head of IT tries new hardwear solution on suspected 'wrecker'

Friday, June 23, 2006

Dave Spout's 'How to be a Genius Like Me' Part 7: Out of Hours


Click to make pic big yadda yadda

Fudge on Friday Newsletter

FUDGE ON FRIDAY
News from the globally venerated creative innovation agency

SPOUT’S OUT
Being a creative leader isn’t all work, work, work. You also have to think about interacting with your adoring drones in a social context. See how respected, award-winning Creative Director Dave Spout does the do out of hours:

http://www.fullfudge.blogspot.com/

‘HAPPY LABS’ CAMPAIGN GOES LIVE
After unwarranted bad publicity led to PR problems for vivisectionists, they came to Fudge to turn around public perceptions. To answer the brief, we came up with the ‘Happy Labs’ ATL campaign. Leading with the strapline ‘Lovin’ it in the lab’ the ads show the positive side of animal-based experimentation. One execution shows some contented rabbits poncing a fag off a scientist and another shows a laughing monkey pointing to where he’d like a scientist to slice his brain up.

Fudge Founder and Chairman Benoit Goddard said: “I’ve wanted to work with vivisectionists since I tortured a squirrel as a child. I hope this campaign shows people the truth behind animal testing.”

RICK KERNER GETS BLOOD POISONING!
Tragedy struck the Creative Dept. again yesterday when Deputy Creative Director Rick Kerner, returning to his desk after a Wacom electrocution incident, got a paper cut from one of his management self-help books. Sadly, the cut became infected and Rick is now struggling for life in the intensive care unit at St. Thomas’ hospital. Get well soon, Rick – we’re all thinking of you!

FIGHT FOR FUDGE!
Pass on this email and do your bit for the agency!

Email fudgeonfriday@hotmail.co.uk and we'll add you to our mailing list.
---
Bow down before Fudge

Fudge is the world’s largest independent creative blue sky solutions hive. With offices in London, San Francisco, Singapore, Shanghai and Rotherham, Fudge spans the globe with its irreproachable brilliance.

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Join In Our Design Debate!

Every now and again, we’ll be opening up this blog to members of the Fudge team as a forum for discussion and debate. Today we’re letting one of our designers, Robbie Bunt, share his views on good design:

“Yeh rite I was talking to my mate Darren right about desine an shit an he was like yeah right an I was like I kno what U mean man an he was like that’s so skinny dude so I sez U aint got a cluw mate. Its like its really really cool but its like ded mingin to, know wot I mean? I mean its like a fit bird or a totally fucked up ting innit. So Darren sez yeh, I know wot U mean man so its all cool dude yeh?”

Anyone disagree with Robbies views? Just leave a comment below!

Wednesday, June 21, 2006

Crushing Blow for Freelancer

So soon after Rick Kerner’s electrocution, the creative department was shaken by tragedy again today after a freelance Flash programmer was crushed to death by an avalanche of collectable vinyl toys. Police are investigating, but it’s thought that he accidentally disturbed Art Director Martin Shrubbery’s vast collection of figures by brushing against it on the way out for a fag break.

As he was a freelancer no one actually knows his name or really gives a fuck about him, quite frankly. However, one of Martin’s rarest Jason Siu figures had an arm broken. Life can be cruel sometimes.

Newsletter archive: Monday 19 June

FUDGE ON F-MONDAY
News from the universally feted creative innovation agency

SPOUTLAW

Ideas are strange things. Where do they come from? What makes an idea good or bad? Dave Spout, award-winning respected Creative Director has had more than his fair share of brilliant concepts. Have you? No, I didn’t think so.

Illuminate your life with Spout here

‘CHAV MY FAG’ LAUNCHED!

With lower numbers of teenagers taking up smoking, tobacco companies were facing a problem. How could they stimulate demand without contravening anti-commercial nanny state laws?

Fudge had the answer with ‘Chav my Fag’ a rich interactive experience site hosted in the Cayman Islands. Aimed at savvy 12-15 year olds, the object of the game is to dress up your cigarette in an outrageous lower class costume. Other kids then vote for who’s got the ‘chavviest fag’ and the winner gets a year’s free supply of rough shag. Fudge Founder and Chairman Benoit Goddard said: “I’ve always wanted to work with the prestigious tobacco industry and look forward to the day when all our children are coughing like old men with anti-biotic resistant TB.”

RICK KERNER HOSPITALISED AFTER WACOM POWER SURGE!

Tragedy struck the Creative Dept. again last Thursday when Deputy Creative Director Rick Kerner saw action on the pitch for the first time since fracturing his metacarpal. No sooner was he adjusting some leading in some intro text than he was hit by a massive electric shock, leaving him hospitalised once more. Stalinesque Creative Director Dave Spout said: “I strongly suspect a disgruntled creative sabotaged Rick’s tablet. Show trials will begin soon.

FIGHT FOR FUDGE!
Pass on this email and do your bit for the agency!

Email fudgeonfriday@hotmail.co.uk and we'll add you to our mailing list.
---
Bow down before Fudge

Fudge is the world’s largest independent creative blue sky solutions hive. With offices in London, San Francisco, Singapore, Shanghai and Rotherham, Fudge spans the globe with its irreproachable brilliance.

Monday, June 19, 2006

Dave Spout's How to be a Genius Like Me Part 6: Having Ideas


Click to make ideas bigger
Next: Downtime

Thursday, June 15, 2006

Rick Kerner Declared Fit!

Despite the disappointingly meagre lack of support from Fudgers, the agency’s Greatest Living Yorkshireman Rick Kerner’s injured metacarpal has healed sufficiently for him to get onto the pitch today. After getting second opinions from the world’s finest mouse injury experts, Rick was given the all-clear to use his Wacom tablet for the first time in a month. Surely that new business is in the bag?

Check back tomorrow for the results!

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Show Your Support for Kerner!

Can Kerner make it onto the pitch?! There’s still no confirmation from the Creative Dept. about whether Deputy Creative Director Rick Kerner will recover from his metacarpal (that’s hand bone, for the designers out there) fracture in time to contribute to our World Cup pitch tomorrow.



As we all know, Rick’s the fulcrum of our pitch team, unsurpassed in his ability to move stuff about on screens by a few pixels here or there. So come on you loyal Fudgers! Leave your messages of support now!

Monday, June 12, 2006

Fudge Helps World Cup Kids


Fudge has donated 5% of the proceeds of our World Cup Kick-off party to helping child labourers in India to find work. Here's one happy child who's benefited from our donation, hard at it on a consignment of footballs.

Staff notice: Kite-bombing craze kills!

The deadly craze of ‘kite-bombing’ has swept through the Fudge creative department, killing fifteen designers in a week.

Despite having banned the extreme commuting pastime, designers have still persisted in jumping from a zeppelin at high altitude with only a homemade kite to hang from and attempting to land on the roof of Fudge HQ in fashionable East London.

Fudge would once again like to remind employees that ‘kite-bombing’ is a disciplinary offence and, from now on, Senior Designers will responsible for scrubbing the pavements when their juniors miss the roof. The first ‘clean-up crew’ rota has been drawn up and is available on the intranet.

MD Tim Soprano said: “I thought I’d fuckin’ seen it all – microscooters, rollerblades and now dis. I’m tellin’ you – if someone lands on the pavement outside dis fuckin’ office from now on, it had better be ‘cos I fuckin’ threw dem dere.”

Friday, June 09, 2006

Dave Spout's How to be a Genius Like Me Part Five: Interfacing with Clients

Click to the pic to blah blah blah

Next: Where do ideas come from?

Alison Lapper Gets Fudged

Trafalger Square's famous statue of productivity-challenged woman Alison Lapper was enhanced this week by Fudge's latest Guerrilla ambient campaign. Artist Marc Quinn is said to have wished he'd thought of it first. Better luck next time, eh Marc?

Thursday, June 08, 2006

Dave Spout's How to be a Genius Like Me Part 4: Managing Budgets


Click pic - it goes big - how many times do I have to tell you?

Dave Spout's How to be a Genius Like Me Part 3: Inspiring Loyalty

Clickety click pic big

Dave Spout's How to be a Genius Like Me Part 2: Winning Awards

Click on pic to supersize Spout

Dave Spout's 'How to be a Genius Like Me' archive

Our weekly series of staggeringly illuminating guides to creativity, Dave Spout's 'How to be a Genius Like Me' are collected here for you to learn from. So buck up your ideas. Now.

Part One: People Management


Click on the pic to supersize Spout...

Tuesday, June 06, 2006

Fudge on Friday Archive: 02 June 2006

FUDGE ON FRIDAY

News from the globally adored creative innovation agency

SPOUT IS BACK!

Award winning, respected Creative Commandant-Superfiend Dave Spout is back from his fully-paid 3 month inspirational learnings sabbatical to a beach in Acapulco. Today he reveals how a wise man handles budgets for the benefit of his design-serfs:

http://www.digitaldivorceddad.blogspot.com

THE BOOK IS OUT!

The prestigious FUDGEBOOK: BRILLIANCE VOL 1 is in stores now. Months in the making, this astonishing publication reveals the stories behind Fudge’s greatest, most innovative projects. All in an entirely unreadable but ravishing format not ripping off the work of David Carson at all. You’ll be unsurprised to discover that the FUDGEBOOK is already riding high at 56,122 in the Amazon sales charts.

FUDGE CLEARS THE AMAZON!

The implementation of Fudge’s successful e-business platform for international logging giant, TreeBegone, has already achieved amazing ROI. Forest clearing efficiency in the Amazon basin has already improved by 5/.6%. Fudge Founder and Chairman Benoit Goddard said: “I’ve always wanted to work with this prestigious logging brand and look forward to the day when there are no trees clogging up this planet.”

FIGHT FOR FUDGE!

Pass on this email and do your bit for the agency!

Email fudgeonfriday@hotmail.co.uk and we'll add you to our mailing list.

---

Bow down before Fudge

Fudge is the world’s largest independent creative blue sky solutions hive. With offices in London, San Francisco, Singapore and Minsk, Fudge spans the globe with its irreproachable brilliance.

Fudge on Friday Archive: 26 May 2006

FUDGE ON FRIDAY
News from the globally adored creative innovation agency

SPOUT AND ABOUT

Award winning, respected Creative Emperor-Fuhrer Dave Spout imparts more priceless wisdom on some clapped-out old hack’s blog today. Think: what could YOU learn from Spout? Think, scum, THINKKKKK!

http://www.digitaldivorceddad.blogspot.com

ALBANIAN MAFIA WIN!

After a two-way pitch, Fudge landed the account for international heroin-smuggling, people-trafficking and prostitution business the Albanian Mafia. This follows Fudge’s Somalian Warlord win earlier in the year and consolidates our position as leading agency for criminal organisations. Fudge Founder and Chairman Benoit Goddard said: “I’ve always wanted to work with this prestigious criminal brand and look forward to helping them expand their market in bloodthirsty terror and exploitation of women.”

FUDGE HELPS CHILD OBESITY RISE BY 15%

Fudge’s successful campaign for soft drink giant Kronkade has led to a radical improvement in sales for the sugar-rich radiation-beverage. In fact, we are proud to be directly responsible for an unprecedented 15% rise in child obesity. Well done to account director Henry Haughton-Bishopsfinger and some non-entities who actually did the work. Fudge Founder and Chairman Benoit Goddard said: “I’ve always wanted to work with this prestigious drinks brand and look forward to helping them expand their market in heart disease and fat.”

DESIGNER PUTS IN 166 HOUR WEEK

Raise your glasses of vodka and Redbull to Senior Designer Tina Gudjonsson, who’s put in an impressive 166 hour week this week on the Little Wallop anti-personnel mine DM campaign. After 2 hours in A&E Tina’s back at her desk and raring to go again! Creative Overlord Dave Spout said: “Congratulations on pushing the envelope until your eyes bleed, Tina. From now I’ll be asking project management to introduce a standard 166 hour week for my industrious minions.”’

FIGHT FOR FUDGE!

Pass on this email and do your bit to go viral for the agency!

Got a success story for us? Tell it now!

Email fudgeonfriday@hotmail.co.uk and we'll add you to our mailing list!

---
Bow down before Fudge

Fudge is the world’s largest independent creative blue sky solutions hive. With offices in London, San Francisco, Singapore and Minsk, Fudge spans the globe with its irreproachable brilliance.

Fudgeblog is Go: A Message From Our Founder

Dear nonentity,

I'm writing this in my luxury riverside stealth apartment in one of Battersea Power Station's chimneys, looking up occasionally from my platinum-plated laptop to gaze out at the sun setting over the Thames. Why do I inhabit an exclusive, mind-bogglingly expensive living space while you dwell in some anonymous scum-hovel in nowheresville?

Because I started the globally respected creative blueskyarative innovation agency Fudge. And you didn't.

I don't write this to make you feel small, although I understand if my words have this effect. No, I mention it to make you realise that Fudge is a result of my insatiable drive for superlative brilliance. It is a drive that is shared by all my underlings, however lowly. It is a drive that brooks no argument from such trivialities as time or space. It is a drive that makes human love seem inconsequential.

This is why our motto is 'Bow Down Before Fudge' and now is certainly the most exciting time in our history to grovel before us.

Some of that excitement, perhaps a small iota of our relentless energy, will be captured by this blog.

Read it and be awed.

Enjoy blue skies always,

Benoit Goddard
counter easy hit