Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Fudge news - World of Warcraft winner!!!

I’m really getting into creative life here at lovely fudge!!! I find all the senior managers especially helpful, always leaning over my desk, suggesting new things to try. Gosh, it really is such an inspiring place to be an intern. Tim is continuing to be quite a gentleman – complimenting me on my clothes and giving me his time. I think I might be developing a crush on him. I’ve had a thing for older men ever since Daddy left mummy for that BITCH in Switzerland! God, those summer holidays in the villa by Lake Geneva. BORING! Thank god I don’t have to do that anymore!

Anyway, less about me!!! I’ve got news from Fudge and I can’t wait to tell you!!!!

EXCITING STUFF!!! we’ve opened for business in World of Warcraft (Tim didn’t explain what that was, but I expect that it’s like World of Leather or Furniture Village, but selling weapons to important people instead of sofas to proles). Anyway, whatever! It says here: “We’ll soon be selling advertising campaigns to wizards, elves and paladins, helping them to fulfil their mystical KPIs and improving ROI on heroic quests”.

I’m afraid I don’t understand a word of that!!!

Tuesday, September 26, 2006

New Intern Writes!!!!

Hi – I’m Saskia the new intern and I’ve got to say I can’t understand why anyone would say that our MD is sexist or guilty of any kind of sexual harassment. He is an inspiration to me and all other employees at Fudge (but not quite as much of an inspiration as our Founder, Monsieur Goddard, of course! Hahaha!) and I REALLY hope to learn from him over the coming weeks and if I’m allowed to stay YEARS at this fabulous agency (I really want to be a copywriter as you can tell by my terse, driven writing style and mastery of punctuation). I wrote some really amazing articles about ponies for my student magazine when I was in the Sixth Form at Cheltenham Ladies College. I still compete in dressage, when I’m not beavering away at fudge!!! Infact, Daddy was kind enough to build a stable for my horse Crystal Dream in the garden behind the modest Islington flat he bought for me (it’s just an investment for him – it’s not as if he just GAVE it to me or anything you know). Tim has told me that he likes a good, hard ride too and would like to see my rising trot sometime. What a lovely man he is!


Myself with my friend Prince Harry - what a Gentleman he is!

Monday, September 25, 2006

Another intern Bites the Dust

Yes, after the promise of more insights into life at Fudge, the new intern commissioned to populate this blog has left us. We would like to end speculation that she left after making allegations of sexual discrimination against our MD, Tim Soprano, as reported by certain unscrupulous web sources.

As Tim himself says: “Where’s the harm in complimenting an attractive bit of young skirt? She should be fucking flattered. I ain’t sexist – some of my best friends are women, as well as poofs and the occasional black.”

We hope that will be end of the matter.

Wednesday, August 30, 2006

The Flog Returns!


It has come to our attention that the intern that normally updates this blog hasn’t added a single entry for several weeks! Rest assured the feckless scum has been packed off back to whatever suburban shithole they hailed from (I think it was Maidstone, possibly even Chatham) and denied their tenuous foothold on the shining path that is a career at Fudge.

Normal service will now be resumed. Prepare to enter our world once more…

Wednesday, July 12, 2006

A Message from our Chairman

Dear minions,

After a suitable period mourning France’s shock defeat in the World Cup Final to cheating Italian scum, I am writing to announce my unbending faith in my other favourite team – yes, I am talking about Fudge.

Now really is the most exciting time in Fudge’s history. Since the arrival of our M.D. Tim Soprano and his ‘crew’, we haven’t lost a single pitch. Creatively, under the stewardship of respected, award-winning Creative Director Dave Spout, we have reached new pinnacles of brilliance. Yes, I am proud to lead this flagship of innovativity.

At times like this, I often think back to my childhood. As some of you may know, my natural parents were both gored to death by a boar while camping in Provence and I was raised in the wild by a tribe of economists. I know my adopted family would be proud of what we have achieved at Fudge.

However, as my economist father, Jacques, would grunt at me in the forest “there’s always room for more noughts on your spreadsheet, son”. So, as brilliant as we are, Fudge can do more and do it at a greater profit. This is no time to relax. It is the time to attack and kill!

Blue-skies forever,

Benoit Goddard, Founder and Chairman

Tuesday, July 11, 2006

Art Worker Contacts Alien Civilisation

It's not often that a Mac operator can be confused with Jodie Foster, but New Zealander Bjorn O'Grady proves there's an exception to every rule. Yes, Bjorn has made 'Contact' and he didn't need his own £billion SETI programme to do so. How did Bjorn manage to bridge the void and open communications with the Vjikigiiii people? Scientists put it down to the metal plate in his head and the innumerable pieces of 'body jewellery' that fill the piercings puncturing his pale body.

"They talk to me all the time, y'know?" says O'Grady,"They're tryin' to teach me how to build a matter transporter, so they can come to the Earth and stuff. It freaks me out, man."

Having toyed with sacking Bjorn for being clinically insane (NOTE FROM M.D. TIM SOPRANO: check your contracts - mental illness equals instant dismissal), his job was spared when others at Fudge heard the aliens speak via his Prince Albert.

So when you see Client Services Director Henry Staunton-Bishopsfinger kneeling over Bjorn's crotch, don't worry - he's not performing fellatio - just trying to pitch for work on the planet Vjikig.

Friday, July 07, 2006

Dave Spout's 'How to be a Genius Like Me' Part 9: Pitching to Win


Click to see it big, man

Fudge on Friday newsletter: 7 July 2006

FUDGE ON FRIDAY
The creative agency that doesn’t have to try…too hard

SPOUT PITCH

As a respected, award-winning Creative Director Dave Spout is a past-master of the successful pitch. But often winning pitches isn’t just about the work, as brilliantly inspirational as Fudge’s creative output always is. Click the link and learn, you filth:

http://www.fullfudge.blogspot.com/


FUDGE HARPOONS THE JAPANESE WHALING COMMISSION

The World’s Most Respected Agency had a big win this week after landing a place on the Japanese Whaling Commission’s online roster. Our idea for a viral movie featuring a gang of Sperm whales savaging a puppy should tip the balance for commercial whaling and open the door for the final extinction of this useless species. Fudge Founder and Chairman Benoit Goddard said: “I’ve always wanted to work with whalers and am looking forward to tucking into free-range whale meat myself very soon. Yum.”

RICK KERNER BRAIN-DEATH SHOCK

Deputy Creative Director Rick Kerner suffered even more bad luck this week when his brain was starved of oxygen during surgery to save his life after he was run over by an OAP riding a mobility scooter. This follows electrocution, blood poisoning and, of course, the fracture of his metacarpal. Plucky Rick is now back in the office and his team tell us that the quality of his creative input hasn’t suffered due to brain-death. Well done, Rick! Keep up the good work!

FIGHT FOR FUDGE!
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Fudge is the world’s largest independent creative blue sky solutions hive. With offices in London, San Francisco, Singapore, Shanghai and Huddersfield, Fudge spans the globe with its irreproachable brilliance.
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